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What a summer! Life got pretty heavy there for awhile. What amazes me is how quickly my mood lightened. 2 months may not seem like a shorttime, but compared to the 20 years that I’ve been weighed down by depression, it feels like a snap o’ the fingers! I’m still getting used to feeling so good. It might not have showed that much on the outside, but inside I was consistently plagued by dark thoughts. Turns out the transformation of my everyday thinking required some chemical assistance.
To be cheerful and happy at home is new territory for me. That feels weird to write, but I had reached a point where I didn’t really enjoy being with my family very much. I was frequently angry and impatient with my son, resentful and distant from my husband. Now I am peaceFULL… playFULL… joyFULL. I have energy that I never thought was possible before. I can think clearly and see my way from one task to another without getting overwhelmed.
Still, this is the question that has been rattling around in my brain as I keep surprising myself with loving, calm, and gentle responses to stressful or challenging circumstances that would have previously elicited the opposite reaction:
Is this maturity, is it the meds, or does it even matter?
One friend who also struggles with depression shared her experience: “I had to make peace with it. My personality isn’t in a bottle. This is who God meant me to be.” I really do feel like the best version of myself has been released from captivity. I am different, but now I am more free to be myself…the ME that God designed with unique gifts and passions, created for a unique purpose.
And I’m ready to get on with it…as He leads.
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