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“There is an ache inside Eve now that she tries to get Adam to fill. There is an emptiness given to her to drive her back to God, but she takes it to Adam instead. It makes a mess of many good relationships. No matter how much Adam pours into your aching soul, it’s never enough. He cannot fill you. Maybe he’s pulled away because he senses you’re asking him to fill you. Every woman has to reckon with this – this ache she tries to get her man to fill. In order to learn how to love him, you must first stop insisting that he fill you.”

~from Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge

This month, my husband (the handsome man pictured above) and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. When I look back at my 20 year old self, I wish she had known then what I know now. I think we both would have been spared a lot of suffering. What do I know now? Well, I know that my husband┬ácannot (and should not) be the one that I depend on to 1) fulfill my deepest needs and 2) give me a sense of worth, identity, and purpose. Even though I know this to be true in my head, I am still learning how to live like that truth is really true. That requires UNlearning a lot of self-protective mechanisms that I have employed over many, many, MANY years. I am still struggling to transfer my dependence more and more onto God and allow Him to romance me, to show me my beauty, and to lead me on the adventure for which He carved out an irreplaceable role that only I can fulfill. I know that the more I surrender to God, the more He will transform me into the loving wife that He created me to be and that my husband┬áneeds me to be. This is my lifetime’s task.

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