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The hardest part of a cuddle event is the goodbye. However necessary it is that we untangle ourselves at the end of the evening, get grounded, and say good night, it hurts to walk away. It feels like I’m leaving love behind. The truth that I still struggle to grasp is that I am never separate from Love, that He is present with me wherever I go.
This is the challenge of internalizing Invisible Love.
It’s similar to how an infant learns to internalize his mother’s love. At first, mama leaves the room and baby goes into distress. Without mama, I have nothing. I am nothing. Then mama comes back into view and baby feels safe and secure again. He feels loved. As a child matures, he understands that, while mama may leave the room, he still exists, she still exists, and she still loves him. The child feels safe being separate.
Even when we grow up, some of us experience that familiar distress in relationship with lovers. When a lover is present, we feel loved and valuable. When the lover leaves, we stop feeling loved and see ourselves as worthless.
It’s right and good and natural to look to flesh and blood humans for love. We were made to feel good when we connect.
At the same time, humans don’t love perfectly. They rarely meet expectations. Which means, I can ask for love from humans, but I shouldn’t depend on human love to meet all my needs.
So, here’s what I’ve been exploring: How do I feel unconditionally and extravagantly loved when I’m the only flesh and blood human in the room?
I can remember past experiences with loved ones.
I can fantasize about intimate experiences.
Or, I can join God in the present moment where His love is more than enough to meet my needs. That’s what I am learning how to do. And it’s hard. Cuz it’s not tangible.
Anyway, connecting with intangible Love in a tangible world is kinda what this whole website is all about. Still exploring, still learning.
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