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This split zine appropriately represents the inner conflict between my naturally ingrained codependent patterns of thinking and relating and a healthy independence that is newly sprouting.
At a recent cuddle event, I didn’t receive the attention that I was hoping for from one of the attendees with whom I’d shared several enjoyable cuddles in the past. Here’s the first story that came to consciousness:
“Oh, I’m replaceable. I thought I was special. There’s no us after all.”
That story made me feel disappointed, rejected, and worthless.
*THEN I CAME TO MY SENSES*
I remembered the whole reason I come to Cuddle Sanctuary is to practice connecting WITHOUT attaching. These cuddle events are part of the reason I am falling in love with my life again. And my enjoyment of them does not depend on any ONE person. Just like my value doesn’t depend on an OTHER.
These growing pains are uncomfortable but necessary if I want to avoid sabotaging a future relationship by repeating past mistakes. But more importantly, the growing pains are necessary if I want to remain engaged and committed to enjoying a fully formed life as an independent, self-sufficient woman.
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